Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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