my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
