You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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