we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
