Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
be right there i have to get my cape
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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