So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
