My Higher Power is John Stamos
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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