Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
