It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
foreskin is a definite game changer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
