Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
