so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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