Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
