I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
