It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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