6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
