oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
