Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
