i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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