Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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