i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
