haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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