The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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