a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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