nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
