so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize