i will never coherently bang her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have aggressive nipples.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
