Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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