hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
