Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
