what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
