Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just puked most of my soul out..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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