I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
