im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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