Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
