**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
