put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
