The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
