My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I understand Curling. That high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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