shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
