Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
