Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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