i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
