Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
