I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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