he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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