I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
