the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
