There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
