Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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