She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
