my phone needs a breathalizer
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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