Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
